What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
15.06.2025 02:23
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I couldn’t, believe it.
I waited trembling.
When did you realize that your childhood was not normal?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He knew the spot.
My life is so biszare .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Pediatrician Reveals 1 Food She Wants More Parents to Feed Kids - TODAY.com
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
What should I do to stop being angered easily?
Ive learnt so much.
I will be 64.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Why did i forgive my father ?
Especially a lifetime of it.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Is visiting holy shrines (dargahs) or graves haraam in Islam?
We all went to grammer schools
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
When she asked me how she looked .
But, we were locked up after school.
Why is it so hard to date nowadays?
I was very sick at this time too.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Do you find Anushka Sen attractive?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But ive been too sick for many years..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
What type of narcissist cheats more and gets pleasure out of hurting you, even if they're married?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
It was going to be , some day.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
What would it take for you to consider yourself a "Swiftie" like Flavor Flav?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I write beautiful poetry .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Can I see some saggy tit pics and huge areolas pics?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I have no regrets .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Comes on , in middle age.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
So whats the point in blame.
One cannot live in the past .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Was to survive, this bastard.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She loved him until the end.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I was 9 years of age.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I don,t even have a pension.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I was scared of men, in general
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I could never make a relationship work though!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Who then, do I blame.?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Put me off passion for life!!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My family never makes their pension either.
She found it foreign!.
(And it was in our own minds.)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She married twice! .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
As i do to all so called friends.?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
So, i spoilt her more .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But it wasn’t much.
She wouldn,t have been !
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I think the readers, may guess!
What did i know ?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Im still living with it.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
We were not on the streets..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
This is soul school!.
Would this be the day?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
All the time i was locked up.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She was in good health!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And i lived it daily.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He resisted the act ,that day.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I said to her
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I was seconnd youngest,
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.